Socially Awkward

Friends.

Everyone has them. I have them. 

But you know what I've noticed lately. I have literally forgotten to make friends now. Which is stupid. 

When I was little, I made friends easily because we're all kids and there's nothing to worry about. Now that I'm all grown up (kind of), I feel so left out. I think about being social and I have a nervous break-down because it's just all too much. 

I go to hang out with my friends from high-school and sometimes it's weird. Like it takes me a while to just be me and there's always awkward pauses. 

I feel like the person that I am, is very loud, energetic, loving, and talkative, but I can't seem to bring that out when I am actually with other people. 

I think I might be because my parents are super protective and never let me casually hang out with my friends. I repeat a 19 year old girl has to ask for permission every time she wants to go hang out with her friends. Let me tell you, if you ever have kids, don't do that. It ruins a persons life when they live like this. I am sure there are people out there who don't mind staying home and not hanging out with their friends all the time, but I feel like I wasn't meant to be like this. 

I want to be crazy and weird with my friends, but because of not seeing them for a while, I feel like I can't be that. I kind of have to slowly bring that part of me out. And it's annoying. Really annoying. What person doesn't want to be themselves around their friends. And it's not like they're not the right friends for me. They are. They're all super lovely and crazy and just like me, but because I lack that friendship contact for long periods of time, it's just strange to go back into it. 

I remember back in high school, when I was in dance. I was the loudest, craziest, and the most hyper person ever. At the end of each season, we would give out silly little awards for everyone and I always got the ones that says best personality, or attitude, or energy. Thinking about it now, it kind of scares me. I don't think I can ever be like that again. Which is really sad. 

So I'm telling you this now, Never be overly protective of you kids. It bothers me everyday thinking about it. It scares me that I wont have friends when I'm all grown up. I'll only have my brothers and as much as I love them, I need girls in my life. 

Can anyone relate to this? Any tips you guys know? I just want to go back to being the old me.